Sunday, January 22 & 29, 2012 am
GODLY HOMES IN AN
UNGODLY WORLD (11)
The Role of Godly Parents (1)
a.
Being a parent is both a
blessing and a great responsibility.
b.
Psa. 127:3-5, “Behold, children are a heritage from the
Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the
hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man
who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall
speak with their enemies in the gate.”
c.
As with the other roles
we have discussed, the direction we take our parenting will have a
direct bearing on society.
Society often misses this point as well.
While there is a CLEAR acknowledgment of the need for parents to
be involved in their children’s lives and to act like parents (taking
responsibility to raise them), quite often their approach disregards the
teaching of God’s word.
Whether it be the subject of discipline, promoting the “traditional
roles” of parents, or parents who are simply not there enough and
providing poor substitutes, such things are treated as normal and
acceptable. BUT their fruit is manifest in a society where discipline is
weak, our children are confused as to what their roles ought to be and
they simply do not have the respect for others, especially authority
figures as they ought to.
Once again we see that the rejection of God’s way is NOT good for
society!
d.
Yet that is something
that we as parents have the opportunity to affect.
As I prepared for this lesson I came across the following:
There is a great host of people coming who in the future will sit in the
white house, congress and the Supreme Court; they will run the military
and be in charge of our deadliest weapons; they will control the
television and radio stations, movies, newspapers and magazines; they
will take over our corporations and run our universities and schools and
influence what is taught in them; and in essence they will determine
what direction our country and the world will go – either closer to God
or further away from Him.
AND, what they will become and do will be greatly impacted by the way
they are raised by their parents.
Will they be good or bad? Lazy or industrious? Hateful or kind?
loving, patient and just or hurtful, malicious and corrupt?
e.
As parents we may not be
able to control the overall direction of the world, but we CAN have an
impact on those children we have been entrusted with.
It is quite obvious that parents have the greatest opportunity to
influence the direction their children will go.
The first few years of a child’s life is when the majority of his
habits and beliefs will be established.
Prov. 22:6 says it.
The expression, “Like father, like son” is based upon Biblical
principles – both example and text, cf. Ezek.16:44.
f.
Realize that you have
been entrusted with a soul that will spend eternity somewhere.
One of the criticisms that is
often made against God is that we had no choice to be born.
At times, children will also say that to their parents when they
are not getting their way.
While in this lesson we do not have the time to discuss why we are here,
there is something I want us to think about:
As parents, if you have chosen to have children, you OWE IT TO
THEM, to give them the best possible chance of spending eternity with
God. That is why we must
take the subject of parenting VERY seriously.
II.
The Role of Father
a.
Passages directed to fathers – Prov. 20:7, “The
righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after
him.”
Prov. 17:6, “Children’s
children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their
father.”
b.
As head of the house he
has responsibility to raise his children.
When you
study the qualifications of elders, you find his responsibility toward
his children. How he raises
his children has a direct bearing on whether he can lead the
congregation. Consider 1
Tim. 3:4 which says, “One who
rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all
reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how
will he take care of the church of God?).”
Titus 1:6 says he has “faithful children not accused of dissipation or
insubordination.”
1 Tim. 3:12 speaks of deacons with the same responsibilities, “Let
deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own
houses well.”
Note: The qualities of elders and deacons are based upon the faithful
fulfillment of their responsibilities as Christians.
So even though these verses are directed specifically toward the
qualifications of leaders in the church, the implication is that such is
the expectation of ALL fathers.
What qualifies one to lead is that he has proven himself FAITHFUL
in all that God requires of him, as a father, husband, leader and
Christian.
c.
His responsibilities include:
i.
He is to provide for his
family –
1 Tim. 5:8, Matt. 7:9-11
–note the rhetorical (and obvious) observation about fathers providing
for their children.
ii.
He is to protect his
family – this is a part of providing for them.
iii.
Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers are told to bring up their children “In the training and
admonition of the Lord.” The
text means they take an active role in raising children.
More on what this involves in our next lesson.
iv.
Colossians 3:21, “Fathers, do not provoke your
children, lest they become discouraged.”
v.
He is to discipline the
children (both teaching and punishment) -
Prov. 3:11-12, “My
son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor detest His
correction; For whom
the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.”
Heb. 12:7-11 also emphasizes this.
Prov. 13:24 says, “HE
who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him discipline’s him
promptly.”
d.
A father will love his
children.
He WILL care about them.
That is seen in the good characteristics we find in fathers.
i.
Heb. 12:5-11 which
speaks of chastening is based upon the example of the LORD loving and
chastening. That is compared
to a father.
ii.
Again, Prov. 13:24, “He
who loves (his son) disciplines him promptly.”
iii.
Love is seen in the
father of the prodigal son – Luke 15:11-31, esp. 20-21.
iv.
It is seen in Abraham’s
concern for Ishmael when God said he was not the chosen (cf.
Gen. 17:18), David as he
prayed for Solomon (1 Chron. 29:18-19), and with Job as he offered
sacrifices for his children and sanctified them (Job 1:4-5).
v.
And the greatest example
of this is God the Father loving His Son.
vi.
It is truly tragic that
we live in a society where many fathers have either neglected, delegated
(to their wives) or outright abandoned their responsibilities to their
children.
e.
May we as fathers,
examine what the scriptures say about our role and be COURAGEOUS enough
to be the godly fathers we ought to be.
III.
The Role of Mother
a.
Love her children
– generally, this is a natural thing.
When a child is born and a mother holds him/her for the first
time, there is an instant bond.
All of the painful labor she endured is forgotten about as she
embraces this new soul that God has blessed her with.
Because of this you find illustrations such as Matt. 23:37 where
weeping over Jerusalem, Jesus speaks of a hen that gathers her chicks
under her wings & 1 Thess. 2:7 “We were gentle among you, as a nursing
mother cherishes her own children.”
However, there are also things to learn about loving your children.
It is more than the emotional feelings she has.
Titus 2:4 finds that
among the things older women are to teach younger women is “to
love their children.”
i.
As we have seen, love
for children is natural, so does Titus mean something more?
ii.
First, there are women
who do NOT love their children.
There are some women who have children for selfish purposes and
they do not care about their well-being.
In Rom. 1:31 speaks of those who are “unloving” (KJV – without
natural affection), as does 2 Tim. 3:3 – the list of selfishness.
Such obviously need this command in the simplest way.
iii.
Second, while the
affection is there, mothers (and fathers) need to learn what is best for
their children and do that.
So this expression could involve encouraging mothers to acts in the
overall best interest of their children instead of temporal
gratification – i.e. failure to punish, failure to instill
responsibilities, spoiling them, etc.
iv.
Consider
1 Timothy 2:15 where after
Paul gives reasons why a woman is not teach a man he says, “Nevertheless
she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love and
holiness with self-control.”
Is this text talking about the actual act of giving child birth?
Obviously not, because then barren women and those without
children have a problem. The
best explanation for this verse is that is has reference to her
fulfilling whatever roles she has been entrusted with as a woman (wife,
Christian, mother, etc.).
And if she is a mother she must fulfill her obligations to her children
by RAISING them properly – in this text that means in faith,
love, holiness &
self-control.
b.
Manage the house
– includes raising children.
i.
In dealing with wives we
noted that she is to “manage the house” (1 Tim. 5:14) and to be
“homemakers” (Titus 2:5). We
noted that this means she controls domestic affairs.
ii.
This would include doing
her part in raising their children.
Note that in 1 Tim. 5:14 says, “Therefore
I desire that the younger widows marry,
bear children, manage the house,
give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” In
bearing children you have the same idea as discussed above (1 Tim.
2:15).
iii.
It is a mistake to think
that ONLY the father has responsibility to discipline the children.
We have noted that the term in 1 Tim. 5:14 for manage the house
involves leadership in those tasks so the wife needs to take an active
role in disciplining children.
While the husband’s role is key, the mother will have more interaction
with the children as she manages the house while her husband works.
A godly husband will stand by his wife in dealing with the
children and support her efforts in this area.
A father and mother CANNOT contradict one another.
More on this in our next lesson.
c.
Godly mothers in scripture
i.
We will conclude our
lesson this morning by noting some examples of godly mothers in
scripture. It is interesting
that you do not read about the direct interaction between fathers and
their children like you do about mothers.
Fathers are given instructions and at times we see them carried
out. But with most fathers,
(even the godly ones) we find problems.
But there are many MOTHERS who are simply noted because of their
roles.
ii.
Jochabed, the mother of Moses,
Aaron and Miriam. She bore
Moses and hid him for three months to save his life (Ex. 2:1-2).
After Moses was “adopted” by Pharaoh’s daughter, she became his
nursemaid and raised him in a godly fashion.
So much that in Heb. 11:23 we read, “BY
faith Moses, when he was born was hidden three months by his parents,
because they saw he was a beautiful child; and they were not afraid of
the King’s command.”
iii.
Hannah, mother of Samuel – Hannah was barren and vowed to the Lord that if He would
give her a child she would give him to the Lord all the days of his
life. (1 Sam. 1:11) God
granted her a son and se obeyed.
However, she was continually interested in her son and did for
him what she could (1 Sam. 1:19-28) – HERE is an example of putting
God’s will first with her child.
iv.
Lois and Eunice – 2 Tim. 1:5 (& 3:15) – they raised Timothy to faithfully serve God.
v.
Mary, the mother of Jesus – we don’t read much about her except for her caring for Him.
She graciously brings Him into the world and she is at the foot
of the cross watching her Son die because of His goodness.
And after His ascension to heaven she is still there doing His
will – Ac. 1:14
vi.
The virtuous woman – Prov. 31 – she provides for her family and clothes them.
She is honored by her children and husband because she has done
well (28-31).
And
thus we are introduced to the role and responsibilities of fathers and
mothers. Next week we will
go into more detail examining HOW they are to raise their children.
Sunday, January 29, 2012 am
GODLY HOMES IN AN
UNGODLY WORLD - 11
The Role of Parents (2)
We are in the midst of examining the role of godly parents in the home. In our last lesson we discussed some preliminary observations about parenting and noted the roles of father and mother. In our lesson today we want to further discuss HOW parents are instructed to raise their children according to God’s word.
I.
Ephesians 6:4 – Bring
them up
a.
There are several
passages of scripture that discuss how parents are to raise their
children. Ephesians 6:4 is a
good concise summary of what it involves.
We are going to spend much of our lesson examining what this
verse says and in the process notice some other passages that support
this text.
b.
Fathers
(and mothers) – We noted last week that the primary responsibility of
the training and admonition of children rests with the father.
i.
He is the one
accountable if the children fail to be honorable due to parental
failure. I am convinced that this
text AND Col. 3:21 are addressed to fathers because they are the more
likely to be negligent in this duty.
AND as head of the house, they need to take the lead in ensuring
their children are raised properly.
ii.
However, we also noted
that the mother helps with this and is to be given great latitude and
support as she manages the house (1 Tim. 5:14).
In the godly home, she is the one who will spend the most time
with the children and as such she in directly involved in their rearing
(remember 1 Tim. 2:15).
This is also seen in numerous passages that speak of the respect
children are to show to their mothers. (cf. Ex. 20:12, Prov. 6:20, “My son, keep your father’s command, and do not forsake the law of your
mother.”)
Ephesians 6:1-2 says, “Children
obey your parents in the Lord for this is right.
Honor you father and mother which is the first commandment with
promise.” If a mother is
to be honored it indicates that she is involved in their discipline,
teaching, nurture, admonition and care.
iii.
In truth, the raising of
children is a 2 parent job.
A child needs a father AND a mother.
Single parent homes are a reality, sometimes unavoidably, and at
other times by choice or foolishness, but regardless they are NOT the
ideal. And they come with
built in problems and issues.
iv.
Fathers MUST see that
the mother is respected and able to do what she needs to properly raise
the children.
c.
Bring them up – it is a word that means to provide for or rear.
The word is used twice – here and in Eph. 5:29, “For
no one ever hated his own flesh, but
nourishes and cherishes it…”
One author described this as, “to feed to maturity”.[1]
Raising our children is something that starts as soon as they are born
(actually before, as you PREPARE for your children).
It continues through their infancy, adolescence, the teen years
and even beyond. Our goal in
this study is to talk about raising children which is exactly what this
text instructs us to do.
d.
In the training –
i.
The word “training” is a
word that means primarily to train children (paideuo) and is akin to
meaning instruction including showing one what to do and how to do it.
Thayer defines it as, “the training and education of children (which
relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this
purpose now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment).”
ii.
The idea is providing
instruction in its various forms to children.
It is showing you children what to do, helping them do what they
need to do, instilling learning that will keep them from doing what they
should not be doing (we call this discipline).
iii.
Instruction is teaching – we understand this in the physical realm.
We want our children to learn the things they need to know so we
teach them. If it involves
hands-on activity we show them.
iv.
Instruction by showing
– as in every of aspect of life, your example is your best way
to teach. Children learn so
much more by observing. Most
children at some point want to be like one of their parents and will
proudly say that. What kind
of example are we setting for them.
Consider the example of Lois and Eunice in 2 Tim. 1:5.
We know the importance of setting an example before the world (Matt.
5:16). If such is important
toward the world, what of our children?
v.
Instructions by permission and denial
– take an active part in determining what they can and
cannot do. Control what you
can as a part of their training.
We noted at the beginning of this study the tremendous influence
parents have in raising their children.
BUT, it is foolishness to think they are not influenced by other
sources as well – friends, schooling, media, work, etc.
So to whatever degree you can control what they are influenced
by, do so with wisdom.
Don’t let television, the computer and friends raise them and determine
their outlook in life. NOTE:
I am not saying to isolate them from everything, but at the same time
you are not to be permissive with everything.
The child who gets most everything he wants is spoiled and will
most likely be more easily influenced by the world.
And parents, realize that you made him that way by giving him
everything and failing to hold him accountable!
vi.
Discipline when needed
– it is a mistake to fail to punish a child when he/she is
disobedient. IT is
also contrary to scripture.
Children need to understand that when they do right it is good and when
they do wrong there are consequences to their behavior.
Society knows that discipline is important; they are just
misinformed as to what is permissible.
One might ask, “Is it acceptable to spank your child?”
Consider the following:
1.
Prov. 29:15, “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame
to his mother.” BTW,
what does this say about latchkey children?
2.
Prov. 13:24, “HE who spares his rod hates his son.
But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.”
3.
Prov. 23:13-14, “Do not withhold correction from a child.
For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die.
You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell.”
(sheol)
4.
Prov. 22:15, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction
will drive it far from him.”
5.
Hebrews 12:5-11 speaks
of the chastening of the Lord and compares it to the punishment of a
father.
6.
Thus we can see that the
Bible says there is a place for corporal punishment (i.e. spanking).
There may be some parents who do not believe in punishing their
child this way. If that is
your conviction – you must live with it (including the consequences).
But it is an entirely different thing when you bind your opinions
on others who disagree with you on how to discipline their child.
7.
Furthermore, parents
MUST discipline their children.
You need to find a way that will effectively deter rebellious and
disobedient behavior.
The failure of Eli is an example to consider – 1 Sam. 3:13 speaks of his
sons, who were corrupt priests that turned the people away from God.
Their sins resulted in condemnation, but in this verse, Eli was
condemned for failing to restrain his children.
8.
NOTE: Obviously, this is
NOT an endorsement of child abuse in ANY form.
Such is not only illegal, it is sinful and condemned in the very
passage we are discussing (Eph. 6:4 – see the first phrase).
vii.
May we seek to train all
of our children to follow God taking advantage of every resource we have
at our disposal.
e.
And Admonition
–
i.
A word meaning, to
provide instructions so as to correct behavior.
It is a word that involves warnings and strong encouragement to
do the right thing.
ii.
It is related to the
training we just discussed, but this is more about what we say.
iii.
It has been said that
“training” or “nurture” deals with physical instruction, while
admonition deals with verbal teaching.
iv.
We need to instruct -
Deut. 6:6-9 is a wonderful passage in which the parents of Israelites
were commanded to teach their children both formally and informally.
God’s word was to be present throughout the house.
v.
The home is where
children need to learn many things – how to fulfill their roles within
the family, the value of hard work, how to love God, respect for
authority, morality, the word of God, etc.
Aare we taking the time to teach
them.
f.
Of the Lord
– let us be reminded in all that we do that our goal is to help them
secure an eternity with God in heaven.
That is something that only Christians understand.
g.
Do not provoke your
children to wrath
i.
In the first part of our
verse we find this command.
We need to take it seriously.
Paul made a similar statement to the Colossians in Col. 3:21
where he said, “Fathers do not
provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
ii.
The idea of such
expressions is to say that parents need to act with love and good
judgment toward their children.
As parents we ARE in charge and we need to act like it.
BUT, our decisions need to be made with temperance, love,
patience, and love. Don’t do
things that will provoke your children toward rebellion, giving up or
some other sinful attitude.
iii.
NOTE: This does NOT mean
that you can only make decisions that your children agree with.
In fact, if such is the case, chances are you are not doing your
job as a parent! But the
truth is that if you do love you children and let them know that when
you make decisions they don’t like or agree with, they will eventually
understand it and be thankful for your courage to tell them the right
thing.
iv.
How do we discourage our
children? The list is
extensive but includes:
1.
Showing favoritism –
like Isaac did with Jacob and Esau.
And like Jacob did with Joseph and Benjamin.
Favoritism causes trouble.
2.
Ignoring our children –
how foolish we are if don’t pay attention to what our children are doing
OR if we are not there when they need us.
3.
Being overbearing and
unreasonable – can parents be too strict?
Absolutely!
4.
Failing to discipline or
love them – children know when they are not loved.
5.
Constantly criticizing
them
6.
Inconsistencies – if
children are confused they don’t know what to do.
That is why parents must work together and your discipline needs
to be consistent (the same each time) and you need to keep your word.
You cannot keep changing the boundaries on your children.
Children observe their parents and they know better than anyone if you
are being a hypocrite. Quite
often, I am convinced; this is what drives children away.
a.
Requires both parents.
Furthermore, both parents need to work together.
b.
Spend time with them –
you only have them for so long.
c.
Treat each child
individually – but all with fairness.
This is not a contradiction to what has been said previously.
Different children have different temperaments, maturity levels,
tolerances, etc. You
have to consider these things as you make decisions on how to deal with
children. This is NOT the
same thing as favoritism (though some children might see it that way
early one).
d.
Train the whole child –
spiritual as well as physical
e.
You will make mistakes –
but learn from them. And
when you do make a mistake, admit it, especially if you have not
properly disciplined your child.
But LEARN from your mistakes.
f.
Invite God into you home
– let them see godliness.
Prayer, study, moral values and attitudes, etc. What is forbidden your
home?
In conclusion:
We could say so much more about parenting.
The Bible is full of examples and principles that will help to
guide us in the right direction.
But what we have examined is sufficient to begin with.
Let us strive to be the best parents we can possibly be.
We
began this study by quoting Psalm 127:3-5.
IN vs. 4 it says, “Like
arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.”
I want to conclude this lesson by thinking about our children as
arrows. There are many
lessons to consider as you think of an arrow.
a.
Don’t take it out unless you intend to shoot it
(like any weapon) – as parents, we need to take seriously our
responsibilities. If you are
not serious about raising your children properly – DON’T HAVE THEM.
b.
To shoot an arrow there
has to be an archer and a bow
– otherwise the arrow sits in its quiver and does nothing.
Consider ourselves as parents as the archer and the bow.
Both are needed for the arrow to reach its target.
c.
There needs to be a target we are aiming at
– or else an arrow is ineffective.
What is your target for your child?
Is it heaven when this life is over OR something else?
d.
We have to aim an arrow
for it to reach its target
– whatever your target that is the direction you need to aim the arrow.
e.
If we don’t have
a target and aim we are in danger of the results
- We cannot just shoot
without aiming. Many parents
today want to let their children make up their own mind without any
help. That is as dangerous
as shooting a gun in the air or just randomly letting an arrow go in the
direction of people. You
don’t know where it will land and chances are when it does, you will NOT
like the results. Your
child’s soul is too important for you to just randomly shoot him and
hope he lands in a good place.
f.
We have to let go – there comes a time when we have done our job.
Then we need to let our children go. As a rule, they will go in
the direction we have aimed them – Prov. 22:6.
[1] Utley, R.
J. (1997). Vol. Volume 8: Paul Bound, the Gospel
Unbound: Letters from Prison (Colossians, Ephesians and
Philemon, then later, Philippians). Study Guide Commentary
Series. Marshall, TX: Bible Lessons International.