Sunday, January 8 & 15, 2012
GODLY HOMES IN AN
UNGODLY WORLD (10)
The Role of Wives
Today we resume our study of godly homes in an ungodly world.
We have addressed many things up to this point including the
purpose of marriage and considerable time in things to understand as we
prepare for marriage. Once a
man and woman marry, they become husband and wife and begin a new home
unit. Gen. 2:24 says the man
shall leave his father and mother and be joined (cleave – KJV) to his
wife and they shall become one flesh.
Jesus in Matt. 19:6 added, “therefore what God has joined
together, do not let man separate.”
We
have begun examining the various roles within the home.
The past two lessons have been devoted to the role of the husband
in which he is commanded to love his wife, seek to understand her, honor
her, to provide and protect her and the family, in all areas including
spiritual matters. She is
not his footstool or slave, but his companion who supports him as he
does his work.
Today, we want to examine the role of the wife in a godly home.
This is one of the controversial and unpopular lessons in this
study as it deals with “politically-incorrect” subject matter.
Much of our society has rejected the God-given role of the wife
in many ways. Feminism and
modernism has sought to imply that the wife who chooses to stay home and
raise her family while the husband works as the sole bread winner has
been degraded and is treated as inferior to her husband.
The role of submission is treated as outdated and barbaric and
outright rejected in many marriages, including the marriage ceremony.
Woman are told that they are not
complete unless they get a career and are equal to men in the workplace
(not just treated with respect, but equal in numbers, in the types of
jobs they do, etc.). Society
has sought to emasculate the male role and they have been quite
successful. Many husbands
are afraid to be men and many wives won’t let them.
But
the Biblical role of the wife is not degrading to women.
As we noted in dealing with the husband, she is to be honored and
treated as a partner in this relationship.
The husband does NOT have authority to abuse his wife, nor to
belittle her or treat her as property (contrary to the society in which
these words were penned).
The biblical role of wife is equally important (if not more so) to the
stability of a home. Because
of her role, she has great impact on how smooth, pleasant and stable the
home life will be. A godly
wife (and mother) can strengthen the home and enable the husband to
fulfill his role in society.
Just like her husband, her decisions and conduct will determine
if the home is happy or not.
With these thoughts in mind, let us examine the role of wives in the
godly home.
a.
It is a position of
honor
i.
Regardless of what
society might think or what is politically correct, the God given role
AND duties of a wife are honorable.
ii.
As we noted in our
previous lessons, 1 Pet. 3:7 speaks of the husband honoring his wife.
It is expected of godly husbands.
iii.
Prov. 18:22, “He
who finds a wife, finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”
iv.
Prov. 19:14, “Houses
and riches are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from
the Lord.”
b.
She is to be in
subjection to her husband
i.
Consider what the Bible
says about this:
1.
Eph. 5:22-24, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband
is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the
Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ,
so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
2.
Colossians 3:18, “Wives,
submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. “
3.
Titus 2:5 in describing
the role of younger women it includes, “to be… obedient to their own
husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”
4.
1 Peter 3:1, 5-6, “Wives,
likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not
obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their
wives,…For in this manner in former times, the holy women who trusted in
God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as
Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you
do good and are not afraid with any terror. ”
5.
In addition to this
there are passages that speak of restrictions upon in matters of
teaching men and public worship.
Consider 1 Tim. 2:12-15, 1 Cor. 1, 1 Cor. 14:34-35, 11:3 which
speaks of the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and
the head of Christ is God.
IN such passages we find the degree to which God commands respect for
these instructions including reasons for them.
In the curse given to Adam and Eve after they sinned we read of
the curse of woman, “Your desire
shall be to your husband and he shall rule over you.” (Gen. 3:16)
6.
I point out these
passages not to be haughty but to demonstrate that it is something God
has commanded and it is not negotiable.
It is not an opinion or a suggestion.
Nor is it something to be accepted begrudgingly or with
resistance. Nor is it
something to be accepted only when you agree with his choices.
7.
As we have previously
stated, this is something a woman ought to keep in mind BEFORE she
marries. It is part of her
God-given role in the home.
8.
However, there are some
things that need to be clarified in this.
a.
This is not said to make
light of God’s command, but husbands are again reminded of their need to
honor their wives and to treat them with dignity and as a partner, even
“heirs together of the grace of life.” (1 Pet. 3:7)
The husband must seek to understand this submission.
Eph. 5:22 speaks of wives being in submission to their husbands
as to the Lord. Wives are
not the only ones to submit to the Lord.
So if the husband will keep in mind how we submit to the Lord, it
will help insure that it is done with a proper attitude, from both the
standpoints of giving and receiving.
b.
There are many reasons
why society struggles and disregards this command.
Some of it is the fault of women (women’s lib, selfishness,
self-willed attitudes, societal influence, etc.), but often it is
brought on by ungodly, arrogant, lazy and selfish men.
c.
The only exception to
this rule is when it violates God’s law.
Since God comes first, if your husband expects you to do
something contrary to God’s will or to not do something you ought to do,
you must put God first. But
even in such situations, that does not dismiss your obligations in other
areas.
II.
She is to manage the
house
a.
In Titus 2: 5 speaks of
younger wives being taught to be homemakers.
b.
1 Timothy 5:14, where
Paul is speaking younger widows remarrying.
He says, “Therefore I
desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house,
give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”
c.
Prov. 31:27-29 as the virtuous woman is described, it says of her, “She
watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of
idleness. Her children rise
up and call her blessed; Her husband also and he praises her: ‘Many
daughters have done well, but you excel them all.”
d.
God’s plan is that the wife takes care of the domestic responsibilities
within the home, including tending to her children as they come along
and seeing that the home is clean and in order, as well as tending to
the daily needs of a home.
Like it or not (yes this is politically incorrect, but it is still God’s
word), women are better suited for these responsibilities than men are,
as men are better suited to go out and work to provide for his family.
NOTE: Can men learn these things & can women learn to work
outside the home and provide a living?
Certainly, but it is NOT as natural as the pattern and roles God
instituted.
e.
What about working
wives?
i.
We live in a society
where, for numerous reasons it is not uncommon for women to work outside
the home. Because of our
society’s attitudes about working women, the high cost of living, and
other reasons, sometimes there are circumstances where her working is
part of the solution, most women have a job of some sort, and our
society has come to depend on women to help with jobs.
This is actually a great tragedy that in some instances it is not
plausible for the husband to provide a decent living for his family.
What does the Bible say about this?
ii.
First, there are
examples of working women in the Bible.
1.
Lydia was a seller of
purple – Acts 16:14 away from her home in Thyatira.
2.
The virtuous wife of
Prov. 31:16, “She considers a field and buys it.
From her profits she plants a vineyard.” 31:24, “She makes linen
garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants.”
Overall, she is described as a busy person who helps to ensure
that her household is well taken care of.
iii.
There is nothing in
scripture that says it is sinful for a woman to work.
There are clearly times when it is necessary.
BUT, if a woman chooses to work, she MUST realize that such
does not relieve her of her responsibilities to her husband and
children. Much of what
is said about the role of wives (and husbands) is in command form
without providing exceptions.
I am convinced that God gave us instructions with divine wisdom.
It cannot be denied that in the family, His way is best and WILL
work! So if a woman CHOOSES
to work, she CANNOT neglect her duties!
iv.
“But I have to work.”
Really? I have
already acknowledged that there are times where such is necessary, BUT
do we abuse that as justification?
For example: Why are you working?
Is it to provide necessities OR wants and comforts? Is it because
you want to work rather than fulfill all of your scriptural duties?
Is the job you have chosen one that takes you away from or
lessens your responsibilities as the wife – if you have to work or
want to work, find a job where you can still do you family job.
f.
Should the husband ever
help with “chores” around the home? Yes.
First, there are things that he needs to do and take care of
(i.e. lifting, seeing to repairs, etc.)
Second, if he loves and cares for his wife, he will realize that
her job is not an easy one and he will want to help her every way that
he can. Just as she helps
him fulfill his duties, so he helps her fulfill hers.
If a wife is fulfilling her duties she is not just staying home
and watching television all day or just “baking cookies”.
There is no better way to understand and appreciate the challenges your
wife faces than to step in and try to walk in her shoes.
This is especially true if she is working (with your consent) and
helping you because of needful circumstances.
Never forget you are help-meets.
III.
She needs to love her
husband and family
a.
Love is needed in a
marriage relationship for it to thrive.
We actually addressed this with husbands.
b.
Interestingly, while the
husband is told to love his wife several times in scripture (Eph. 5:25,
28-29, 33; Col. 3:19, 1 Pet. 3:7, etc.), the wife is told to love her
husband only once. Titus 2:4
says that wives are to love their husbands.
And then this is based upon the Greek word phileo, (as opposed to
agape with the husband) thus it means to be fond of her husband.
Perhaps the reason she is only told once is because generally
women understand how to love much better than men do.
They know how to care and they do it.
They will sacrifice for their families unconditionally and often
times unappreciated. Men
have to learn how to love their wives (and others).
c.
But at times, often in
frustration she is not affectionate to her husband, something that he
needs as much as her.
Understanding love the best in the relationship she needs to look at
herself and strive to be lovable.
I will explain this a little more in our next point.
d.
In love, she also needs
to render unto him “due affection” just as he is to do so for her – 1
Cor. 7:3-5.
IV.
She needs to respect her
husband – Eph. 5:33
a.
This is actually an
interesting word. It is a
word that at times is described as reverence or fear.
In fact, the KJV uses the word “reverence.”
It is often used of God - 1 Pet 2:1, Rev. 14:7.
And it is a word meaning to be afraid – 1 John 4:18, Rom. 13:4.
Obviously, Paul is NOT telling wives they ought to be afraid of
their husbands. The point is
that when we have a healthy fear of something it leads to respect it.
And the more you respect it, the less reason you have to fear.
Is that not how we ought to view God?
In our text we are reminded that just as you render unto God respect
(seen in our reverence for Him), so you do so for your husband.
The idea of respect is to view someone as worthy of being treated
with honor and worthy.
NOTE: Wives, before you respond to this consider how we have spoken
about the husband loving his wife and honoring her (Eph. 5:33, 1 Pet.
3:7). You understand that
and expect it out of him.
b.
He needs respect as much
as she needs love.
In general men need to be respected.
It is how they feel worthy. We live in a society where good men
have been put down, mocked and ridiculed because they wanted to be the
sole provider for the family, or they have been made to fear if they say
the wrong thing about their role in society (in relation to that of
women). Many men have lost jobs
or cannot find work because it was given to a women in the name of being
politically correct (or to prevent legal liability).
Publicly, the Biblical role of
the man (and husband) has been ridiculed in the media, education and
even in some laws.
He may not always be respected in society when he stands for what is
right, but as he strives to be a godly husband and man, he ought to know
that his wife loves and respects him for what he does for the family.
He needs to know that he is appreciated (just as much as the wife
needs this). In a source I
recently came across, I found the following observation, “No husband
feels fond feelings of affection and love in his heart when he believes
his wife has contempt for who he is as a human being.”[1]
In other words, (while not excusing his behavior – i.e. God
COMMANDS him to love his wife), it becomes difficult for a man to show
love for his wife, the very thing she needs, when he feels that she
doesn’t respect his efforts to lead the family.
c.
1 Pet. 3:1-2 describes
the wife by saying, “Wives,
likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not
obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their
wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct
accompanied by fear.”
NOTICE the word “fear” which would include being respectful.
It is form of the word we find in Eph. 5:33
Also in vs. 5-6 we read, “For in
this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God adorned
themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed
Abraham, calling him ‘lord’, whose daughters you are if you do good and
are not afraid with any terror.”
d.
Eph. 5:22 says, “Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
How do you respect the Lord?
e.
How does a wife respect
her husband?
Understanding what it means to respect is a challenge.
But I can give you something to consider.
Do you what it means for a child to be disrespectful?
Consider that in your conduct to your husband.
With the words she uses.
By not constantly nagging him.
By allowing him to be the man and
make decisions and supporting him in his decisions.
By defending him.
Realize that he is human and he will make mistakes, but if he has
good will work with him.
By not being contentious – Prov. 21:9 says, “Better to dwell in a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious
woman.” Repeated in
25:24; Prov. 27:15-16, “A
continual dripping on a very rainy day, and a contentious woman are
alike; Whoever restrains her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his
right hand.”
Prov. 12:4, “An excellent wife is
the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in
his bones.”
f.
Many of the problems
that occur between husbands and wives are related to this.
He has difficulty loving his wife and she has difficulty
respecting him. For a
healthy marriage, someone has to stop the cycle and obey God’s
instructions. And if you say
“Amen” to this, may I suggest that you look in the mirror to find where
the solution begins! Remember Matthew 7:12, the “golden rule”.
g.
Here is an observation:
Men have feelings too.
They just express them differently.
Sometimes this is forgotten in our world where a man who
expresses his feelings is viewed as weak and timid.
h.
One more thought: Eph.
5:33 (or the other passages) do not put conditions on this command.
In fact it has been suggested that the best way for a wife to get
her husband to respond to him is by being respectful. (AND conversely,
the best way for a husband to get his wife to respond to him positively
is by loving her as she ought to).
These instructions are NOT optional!
V.
She needs to adorn godly
character
a.
One thing woefully
lacking in far too many homes today is godliness.
And usually there is plenty of blame to pass around.
Both the husband and the wife need to be Christians first, and if
they are their relationship will develop and thrive.
b.
Titus 2:3-5 – Aged women
are commanded to teach the younger women how to be godly wives.
Within the instructions we find they are to be taught:
i.
Soberness – being alert
and aware of what is going on.
NOTE: In one form or another, this is said of EVERY group in this
text (Titus 2:1-8).
ii.
Love their husband and
children – already discussed this
iii.
To be discreet means
that she uses sound reasoning in the affairs of the home.
She should not belittle her husband, either publicly or privately
(Just as he should not belittle her).
She should not act in a manner that brings shame upon him or the
home.
iv.
Chaste – pure in heart
and in life. She doesn’t
flirt or dress provocatively (cf.
1 Pet. 3:3-4, “Do not let
your adornment be merely outward — arranging the hair, wearing gold, or
putting on fine apparel — 4
rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible
beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight
of God.”
v.
Keepers at home –
already discussed this
vi.
Good - a simple word
meaning one worthy of admiration.
We see this in Proverbs 31.
vii.
Obedient to their own
husbands – already discussed this; “that the word of God be not
blasphemed.
c.
Prov. 31:10-31
i.
Let us conclude our
study with a popular text that describes the virtuous woman (i.e. wife).
She is described as having a price above that of rubies and
because of her demeanor, she is praised by her husband and children.
How true.
Wives, and those who one day hope to be wives - in this lesson I have
presented some thoughts about the role of the wife.
Not everything said is pleasant or easy to accept. And the same
is true of what was said about husbands.
BUT, these are things we need to consider and perhaps those areas
we find the most unpleasant are the ones we need to take the closest
look at. I only ask that
you AND your husbands consider what we have discussed in these lessons
and weigh them according to God’s word.
There are many forces in the world that are seeking to drag us
away from our God given purpose in the family.
Let us resolve that we are going to be what God wants us to be.
I will make you this promise – if EVERYONE in the family seeks to
understand what their role is according to God’s word and they do their
part, their families will thrive and survive, no matter what comes our
way. In our next lesson we
will discuss the role of parents, followed by the role of children in
the home.